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A Year With Eddie Jordan
Monday 24th December 2012


Can you lend us a fiver?

Eddie Jordan is a broadcaster with a difference - the former owner of the Jordan team has been lauded both for his lyrical interpretation of events at a GP weekend and his inside knowledge of the sport. This helps make up for the complete and utter bollxxxx he sometimes talks. Nicknamed ‘The Bard of Bray’ Eddie sometimes gives us a James Joyce-like flow of words from which you have to pick a meaning. Plus there are the regular euoligies to his friend and dear leader, Bernie Ecclestone.


2012 produced many great Eddie moments behind the microphone and larking about with his BBC colleagues, some of which are captured below:

EJ in China
Eddie on Jenson Button’s non-jumping McLaren after Qualifying: “The car doesn’t look right for him at the moment. It’s tardy. There was no real passion emerging out of the car today. The car just didn’t want to be jumping out of the box.”

“You have to remember how close these cars are running, people are touching each other by milliseconds…no millimetres.”

Eddie talking about Mike Gascoyne (as though he really was a pet rottweiler) “…he has a responsibility to his owners.”


EJ in Spain
Eddie talking about Schumi running into the back of Bruno Senna: “Sometimes we have to pinch ourselves. Why has this happened? And I’m sorry to be offensive to Michael Schumacher but you have to give credit to Pirelli because they have managed to be able to mix things up to make sure it’s a gigantic show.”

Eddie damaged his foot tripping over a cable in the Williams motorhome. After being given some first aid by the McLaren physio David Coulthard managed to borrow a Force India trolley and EJ was wheeled down the paddock despite his protestations that it was turning into a panto. No, it wasn’t. They bumped into Lotus reserve driver Jerome D’Ambrosio.
Jake Humphrey: “Eddie’s hurt his ankle that’s why we’re wheeling him up and down the paddock.”
Jerome D’Ambrosio: “Or is it the age?”
Eddie Jordan: “You’ll never drive for me that’s for sure!”
Or even push the trolley

EJ in Monaco
Eddie Jordan (when asked to go and interview Nigel Mansell about the decisions in the race – which the FIA prohibit): “That is skulduggery in its finest form and I am not going to play any part in this.”


EJ at the European GP in Valencia
Eddie was in full poetic flow after Mark Webber got almost no running in final practice, he thought it was unsettling for Mark: “They want stability, they want calmness, they want to be able to come into the garage and see the car sitting up on the trestles and absolutely gleaming, ready to go, ready to rock. This was a problem for them. He just didn’t know what the problem was and there’s nothing worse in this racing game than not knowing what’s happening.”

EJ in Britain
Eddie talking about Jude Law who was a guest in the Lotus pits. Half way through his sentence Eddie suddenly decided to avoid any potential lawsuit… “Sherlock Holmes has rekindled his career…not that it has dwindled in any way.”

During the race Eddie was worried about the cars running through the standing water: “The teams will be telling the drivers to avoid the stagnant water.”

The funniest quote about Eddie, though, was after he tried to get out through the paddock gates, pulled his pass out of his pocket and dropped a £50 note which Jake Humphrey picked up while simultaneously knocking over a sign with his umbrella. We switched straight to Lee Mckenzie interviewing former F1 driver Derek Warwick who said: “I don’t think it was a real £50 note to be honest.”


EJ in Belgium
Eddie Jordan talking about his experience in the Spa campsite: ”Everywhere we went we were hounded… but in a nice way hounded.”


EJ in Singapore
Crawling Up Bernie’s Butt Crack, “Loike you would never believe” Part I
Eddie Jordan never fails to disappoint when asked about the utter greatness of Bernie Ecclestone, his very own Dear Leader. The be-wigged one never passes up an opportunity for brown-nosing. And so it was at Singapore.

“Bernie has an incredible vision bringing us here to Singapore.”
and
“I wouldn’t want to be in a big fight with Bernie because he comes out as winner more often than not.”
and
”Well done to the people in Bernie’s office for inviting me (to ask questions on the podium), it was a big honour.”


EJ in Korea
Crawling Up Bernie’s Butt Crack, “Loike you would not believe” Part II
“If you’re talking about being visionary then Bernie bringing this whole formula to Asia has been fantastic. Because Europe isn’t in such great shape at the moment. To bring in more global, to go to the Americas, to bring in more Asia, he had great vision in doing that.”


EJ in Abu Dhabi
Crawling up Bernie’s Buttcrack – “Loike You Would Not Believe” Part III
Jake Humphrey was talking about taking F1 to new places and this immediately sets off a Pavlovian response from EJ.
“There is nobody who can stand up and dispute anything like that with Bernie because in terms of visionary he is the ultimate crusader. He has been absolutely sensational.”

Talking about Lewis Hamilton we had: ”DC, do you think perhaps it’s the dawn of a new horizon.”

You have bean counters and you have number crunchers, but… “Behind all these teams are countless bean crunchers.”


EJ in America
“You’re in a big dog fight: where are you going to come out in the wash?


EJ in Brazil
“Don’t automatically assume anything about this race. Look what happened when Sebastian started from the grid walk.”
He meant the pitlane.

“Something inside of me says that by the end of tomorrow I think we will have a Spanish World Champion.”


Andrew Davies