International reporter Borat is not happy that neighbours across the Caspian Sea, Azerbaijan, have captured their first Grand Prix in 2016.
Jagshemash! We in Kazakhstan are used to having big rivalry with neighbours Uzbekistan (***holes), Turkmenistan and Azerbaijan.
Uzbekistan (***holes) get airport, we get airport, Azerbaijan get airport. Uzbekistan (***holes) get motorway, we get motorway, Azerbaijan has to get motorway too. Then Uzbeksitan (***holes) hold the Camel of the Year competition, we hold Camel of the Year competition and Azerbaijan? They get Eurovision Song Contest. But is still all camels.
Now they go one step further with Formula Ones Racing. Well, we Kazaks already know ALL there is to know about Formula Ones Racing. To proving so, and make benefit glorious nation of Kazakhstan, here is Borat’s guide to Formula Ones Racing.
Everyone in Formula has wig.
Bernie Ecclestone, he have wig
Christian Horner, he have wig
Charlie Whiting, he have wig
Except Eddie Jordan. He has hair. Is nice.
There are 11 teams for the grid. Ten are owned by companies, but one, Caterhams, is sold to gypsies.
It is strange there have no women in F1, because in races, there is no parking.
At the grand prix weekends, they put all the shit people for want to execute in one place – is called Paddock Club.
There are many questions no-one has the big testi-satchels to asking.
Why is drivers always dwarfs?
Why is Ferrari look like top of cigarette packet?
Why is no-one say to David Coulthard “Your ears are from Star Trek”
Sebastian Vettel name his cars after all girls he touch up at Red Bull factory: Luscious Lizzie, Tight Tania and Dirty Delia.
They name things other way round. Safety Car only come out when Danger. It should need to be called Danger Car.
All fans must get to Monaco Grand Prix by boat and have small dog to leave behind to crap on pavement.
Not all of drivers have sex with their grid girl. But Daniel Ricciardo, he is every time. That is why he smile so much.