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It’s Official: Alonso’s Career Down The Pan
Thursday 10th January 2013

Not The F1 News - Another Unreliable Report



Fernando’s new seat for 2013

Whilst wandering through B&Q’s massive store in New Malden, your OffonF1.com correspondent spotted the above bargain toilet and basin combination. For just £235 you can have your own Alonso bathroom suite.


Helmut Marko has recently been in the news saying that Fernando was too distracted in the final races of the 2012 season, getting involved in F1 politics, when in reality he was busy putting his name to a new range of sanitary porcelain.


B&Q were unable to confirm whether the Red Bull team in Milton Keynes had ordered a job lot for their headquarters however Christian Horner was able to give an insight into some of the banter of his raucous F1 pitcrew.
“There’s all kind of slang about going to the toilet isn’t there,” said the Red Bull boss, “people have lots of names for it, but when it’s just a ‘pee’ or ‘a Jimmy riddle’, they call that an ‘Alonso’, because it’s a ‘No.1’. Whereas something more substantial, such as ‘a No.2’, that’s obviously going to be called a ‘Massa’. Now if they’re going to call the toilet ‘Alonso’ then I can see problems - how could you do a ‘Massa’ into it when Massa isn’t allowed to pass Alonso.”


A spokesman for Ferrari said it was probably named after ex-Liverpool midfielder Xabi Alonso (no relation).