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Drivers List Eight Separate Demands
Thursday 4th July 2013


“Like the one at the front…”

Following an emergency meeting of the GPDA ahead of the German Grand Prix, the F1 drivers have threatened to boycott the race if Pirelli don’t come up with a safe enough tyre. A communique released after the meeting stated the drivers’ intention to call a halt to racing if tyres continue to explode during practice.

“It’s not a decision we take lightly,” said Mark Webber, “But things are getting dangerous out there and somebody’s got to draw the line; enough’s enough.”

After the meeting was over, an OffonF1 jourmalist discovered a screwed up piece of paper, the initial draft prepared by the drivers had actually included eight separate demands for future races, but got limited to the one about the tyres. These eight were:

1. Make the Pirellis stay in one piece or else…We’re not kidding.

2. In future, grid girls must be a lot fitter - no mingers from now on.

3. After the races, the people in charge must put a big bowl of crisps in the podium room. And some fizzy drinks with straws.

4. Drivers will be allowed to wear i-Pods during the bor-ring national anthems on the podium - especially the Austrian one.

5. Make Kimi Raikkonen (he’s not part of our GPDA gang) sign more autographs

6. Make Lewis Hamilton (he’s not part of our GPDA gang) wear a Where’s Wally bobble hat and see if he can look ‘chilled’ in that.

7. No twattish questions in the post-race press conference - this will rule out about 75% of them

8. Romain Grosjean must be made to have L-plates on his car from now on.