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Bernie: My 10 Great Ideas To Change F1
Friday 24th January 2014

Christian Horner and Adrian Newey pick up the Team Kit Trophy

After the F1 strategy group met up this week it was revealed that despite the furore from fans, drivers, pundits and team personnel, Bernie Ecclestone’s plan to award double points for the last GP of 2014 would not be changed

One team principal, who didn’t want to be named, revealed that team bosses only agreed to the double points scheme because Ecclestone had presented a list of 10 new ideas and this was one of the least worst.

The full list of Bernie’s 10 big ideas to improve F1:
1. Let’s keep the excitement going till the end of the season. Double points should be awarded for the last GP of the year. (Agreed)

2. People are always telling me grids are boring, so let’s have a raffle to decide grid positions. Entry is £1m per ticket per race and all proceeds to CVC Capital Partners (minus my standard 20%) (For further discussion)

3. Forget scoring points, let’s have gold, silver and bronze medals for each race and the World Champion is the driver with the most gold medals. (Rejected)

4. Grid Girl Wrestling. Instead of having the national anthem before each race, have some grid girl wrestling. Punters love that sort of thing. (Rejected – although Martin Whitmarsh has recommended a few videos to watch) (None of them are in the Tooned series)

5. An annual award for the gayest team kit. That would be a laugh. Lots of contenders there. (Rejected)

6. Celebrity tyre changes. You always get these film and sports stars hanging around the garages doing nothing. We should get them to do a bit of work and help on wheel changes. (For further discussion)

7. Pole Position trophy, to be given to the guy who scores the most Poles in the season. (Agreed)

8. Car horns. The new electric motors are going to sound terrible, hardly capable of causing permanent deafness. We need a bit more noise and atmosphere. So when drivers are following each other and get a bit bored they will have a horn to sound. This will also be activated by the DRS. (For further discussion)

9. That Top Gear programme is very popular and they love destroying caravans – and the British have more caravans than anyone else. So, for the British Grand prix drivers will have to qualify while towing a caravan. (Rejected)

10.Somebody told me the most popular thing on You Tube – apart from Kamui Kobayashi crashing his Ferrari on a demo run in Moscow – is listening to Kimi Raikkonen going mad on team radio. What we’re going to do is get team engineers to surprise their drivers by speaking to them in a foreign language they don’t understand – and see what happens! (For further discussion)